I fought with my dad, scold my sister, being over-addicted to the internet and so on. How I wish I could say I'm sorry for everything I've done to them. But this ego in my heart burdens me, saying that I can do it later. Later and later it goes, now I've burden myself instead. My mind is blur. I don't know what to do, what to think about, and so on. Yes I do have lots and lots of things to do; homeworks, houseworks, laundry, guitar practice, blablabla. But my mind is empty. And I don't know what to do with it.
Writing this I thought I'll tell you every single problem I had. It's the easies way to relieve my stress about this 'unknown' disease. I couldn't tell my family nor my closest friends because I just feel like...Humph. It's hard to be the type of girl who can't say what's wrong with them! Oh ya, for the time being I call my disease, 'Perubahan Hormon Remaja'. Weird right?
My first problem. Hmm... Dad maybe? I always fought with my dad these days. I feel like he's somehow trying to mock me and yes, we end up in a real, big mouth fight. He'll scold me on being a bad child, but somehow I did try my best to make him the happiest dad on earth. I did. But he keep on comparing me to other people. My neighbor, my cousin, everything. For me it is insulting. Really insulting. Me is Me. Nur Afiqah Izzati. There is your DNA in my blood, dad. You can't stop it anyhow. I'm your daughter and that is it. Sometimes I do wish that I could live without him, like my friends. But thinking back to it, there tons of children out there, waiting to have a dad to hug them, and I'm lucky to have one. But why didn't I like it? I fought with him since before I entered preschool. See that? Preschool. Huh...I hope our relationship would be better, dad
Friends. Huh. I really love them but somehow I do wish I'm alone with no one else. I wanna be alone sometimes. Bad friends yeah I have them. Or perhaps I shouldn't call them friends at all. All they do is saying bad words at me. I know you hate me but why are you busy of my life?! It's my life, you hate me, so get the *tuut* out of my life and *tuut* yourself out! I just don't get it why they really busy-bodying about my life that they hate. Yeah they just jealous perhaps. So you think I got a good life? Think and think again! Or perhaps you don't even have a brain!
As for love. Hmm...I want to leave him tons of times before. But a friend of mine said :: Don't call it love when you can easily let go :: I do take those words. I won't leave him. For a stupid girl like me, I never been in a serious relationship and this is my very first time. So I'm aiming for a months of relationship. But what am I thinking? Love should last forever, not months. As for him, why is it hard for him to show his love a bit? Or perhaps he had lost his love towards me. We rarely talk. I can't get his phone number. And I do wonder, I do think he's still in contact with her in phones cause they knew each other's phone number. So conclusion? I need to talk to him.
Problems are remained problems unless you work for it.
If anyone do read this, please pray for my future, as I do need some support. Now.
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