Pink Pirate

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Two More Hours of Gettin' Guitar Pro 6 =3="

Yeah.
As the title itself,
I'm downloading Guitar Pro 6 Demo.
Hope it does help me
I want to learn ALL the GazettE's songs!

2 hours left and these things.... :

...should all be MINE
Hohoho ^o^

Friday, February 4, 2011

Un-feeling-less

These days were killing me. Not by works [Currently I haven't do a single homework out of 20+ homeworks I've got]

I fought with my dad, scold my sister, being over-addicted to the internet and so on. How I wish I could say I'm sorry for everything I've done to them. But this ego in my heart burdens me, saying that I can do it later. Later and later it goes, now I've burden myself instead. My mind is blur. I don't know what to do, what to think about, and so on. Yes I do have lots and lots of things to do; homeworks, houseworks, laundry, guitar practice, blablabla. But my mind is empty. And I don't know what to do with it.

Writing this I thought I'll tell you every single problem I had. It's the easies way to relieve my stress about this 'unknown' disease. I couldn't tell my family nor my closest friends because I just feel like...Humph. It's hard to be the type of girl who can't say what's wrong with them! Oh ya, for the time being I call my disease, 'Perubahan Hormon Remaja'. Weird right?

My first problem. Hmm... Dad maybe? I always fought with my dad these days. I feel like he's somehow trying to mock me and yes, we end up in a real, big mouth fight. He'll scold me on being a bad child, but somehow I did try my best to make him the happiest dad on earth. I did. But he keep on comparing me to other people. My neighbor, my cousin, everything. For me it is insulting. Really insulting. Me is Me. Nur Afiqah Izzati. There is your DNA in my blood, dad. You can't stop it anyhow. I'm your daughter and that is it. Sometimes I do wish that I could live without him, like my friends. But thinking back to it, there tons of children out there, waiting to have a dad to hug them, and I'm lucky to have one. But why didn't I like it? I fought with him since before I entered preschool. See that? Preschool. Huh...I hope our relationship would be better, dad

Friends. Huh. I really love them but somehow I do wish I'm alone with no one else. I wanna be alone sometimes. Bad friends yeah I have them. Or perhaps I shouldn't call them friends at all. All they do is saying bad words at me. I know you hate me but why are you busy of my life?! It's my life, you hate me, so get the *tuut* out of my life and *tuut* yourself out! I just don't get it why they really busy-bodying about my life that they hate. Yeah they just jealous perhaps. So you think I got a good life? Think and think again! Or perhaps you don't even have a brain!

As for love. Hmm...I want to leave him tons of times before. But a friend of mine said :: Don't call it love when you can easily let go :: I do take those words. I won't leave him. For a stupid girl like me, I never been in a serious relationship and this is my very first time. So I'm aiming for a months of relationship. But what am I thinking? Love should last forever, not months. As for him, why is it hard for him to show his love a bit? Or perhaps he had lost his love towards me. We rarely talk. I can't get his phone number. And I do wonder, I do think he's still in contact with her in phones cause they knew each other's phone number. So conclusion? I need to talk to him.

Problems are remained problems unless you work for it.

If anyone do read this, please pray for my future, as I do need some support. Now.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Just Editing :P

I need a picture for my mixpod.
Blah blah blah

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Invisible Gift

Hmm...
A friend of mine [or a sister, because I always hope to]
She tag me in her note...
I'm posting this not to embarrass you, sister...
I want this note, to be in my mind

"GazettE is a visual kei band that I love one, of my top favorites. Their music is wonderful and a gift to everyone .Each members are not only a beautiful face but they also have talents that no one can deny. I love this band because of their music and talents. For me their music is a form of art with a heart in every words in their songs, with every melody you will hear from their songs all of it is an art for me.

I created a group GazettE WORLD COMMUNITY IN FACEBOOK I just want to meet and gather some Gazefans.

But what I found out is a family, my very own family I called Gaze family. It is funny to think that the group I created will be a family for me. Each and everyone of them means so much to me they are my happiness and my sadness and I'm proud of all of them even though I don't personally know them all. Even if I haven't meet them personally I love them all.

Oka-san: I know your concern about me when you found out my situation and even though I'm childish sometimes you understand it. You comfort me when I'm down. It's like your my mom somehow.

Yamz(my soup): Even though I keep calling you "my soup" your still there for me when I am down. *Actually your just chatting with me because literally you can't be really be here with me because your miles away from me* but seriously I can feel that you care. Thank you Yamz.

My sisters:

Suzuki: Even though your the only one who don't call me onee-san and you keep calling me on my name it's fine, I really like the way you think about GazettE ^^ you know what I mean. Keep up the good work.

Hau: My closest and first sister my first Gazefamily member my favorite. You know almost all my secret because your the closest to me and you really make me happy I like the way you think and you say what is in your mind and what you feel and you know how much I like those kinds of people. Please stay what you are because your one of the most wonderful person I ever met.

Kame: I like the way you think and we both agree on many things. I don't know you well but I hope you will give me a chance to know you more.

Sa-chan: I think you don't recognize me as your older sister so just take care.

Kuri: Your not that close to me too but like what I told to Kame if you will give me a chance I still want to know you more.

Miyuki: I wish I can take all your pain away but right now it is impossible even though I haven't meet you personally I'm really and sincerely concern about you I hope I can see you someday so I will have a chance to make you feel how much I care for you.

To all my sisters and to oka-san and soup: thank you for coming into my life and welcome to my life. Even though we are miles away from each other and we haven't meet each other personally I really treat all of you my family maybe we don't share same blood and flesh but in my heart I treat, care and love all of you as my own family .

To all my friends:I'm sorry for being me I won't pretend to be someone I know I'm not so sorry. Happiness is between what will people think of you and your own happiness. I chose my happiness that is I will stay who I am, I know I need to change for me to become a better person but I will not pretend and I won't let anyone dictate me to become someone I'm not. I accept all of my friends for who they are and what they are. I don't want to judge someone according to their race, religion etc....

To The GazettE: I know you guys will never read this but I still mention you guys. Thank you for your music and for inspiring many people and make them change their lives (yes it is true you do change lives). And most important thank you because of your invisible gift it is my Gaze family although I made my own fate your a part of it. Because of your band I meet my new friends, meet my Gaze family I found new wonderful things life has to offer. The things I might not see if I haven't know GazettE.

For those people who hurt me and I hurt: I'm sorry for everything.

this is my suicide note"

Dear sister,

I'm not good at words.

But I want you to know, that you're a special friend for me

You're determined, and those sadness,

You never show it like most of us will do

You're a strong girl

Please don't hurt yourself,

Please don't...

Kill yourself

I know we just met,